Courage Podcast

#398 - COURAGE TO BE: Small Steps for a BIG life, with Carlii Lyon

Welcome back!

Today I’m chatting with the wonderful Carlii Lyon - author of Courage to Be and a woman whose story is such a beautiful reminder that tiny, courageous steps create big lives.

She went from building other people’s brands behind the scenes to stepping into her own light as an author, speaker and coach.

We chat on what courage really looks like in everyday life, why confidence is a consequence of action (not more qualifications!), how to reframe the three thoughts that stop so many of us from sharing our voice, and the magic of talking to your future self.

If you’re ready to take one small step toward your big life, pop in your earbuds and join us.

And if you want support to plan and do your dream-fuelled quarter with me, check out DL Coaching here: yourdreamlifestartshere.com/course.

Let’s create a life you love - together.

As always, I’d LOVE to hear what resonates with you from this episode and what you plan to implement after listening in. So please share and let’s keep the conversation going in the Dream Life Podcast Facebook Group here.    

Have a wonderful weekend …and remember, it all starts with a dream 💛

Kristina

Dream Life & kikki.K Founder

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TRANSCRIPT:

Kristina: Hi there, and welcome back to another episode of Your Dream Live podcast. I'm Kristina Karls and as always, I am thrilled you are here. Today I have the absolute joy of speaking with Carlii Lyon. She's the author of Her New Beautiful book, courage to Be Small Step for a Big Life.

I recently went to Carlii's book launch and I read her new book, and I am so inspired after reading it. We definitely have the same [00:02:00] philosophy when it comes to creating a life that we love and we both love inspiring people to live Their dream life and their purpose and Carlii's story is just so inspiring.

She went from representing some of their world's most famous names behind the scenes, to stepping courageously into her own light. As an author, speaker, and coach, in this conversation, we talk about what courage really means, why taking action is so important, and how we should all speak to our future self and so much more.

I have no doubt you will walk away from this episode feeling so inspired to take your own small step toward the big life you dream of. So let's dive right in.

Well, hello Carlii, and a [00:03:00] very warm welcome to my podcast. I'm so excited to have you here.

[00:03:04] Carlii: I am so excited to be here with you. Thank you so much for making the time.

[00:03:08] Kristina: Uh, thank you. I have been so inspired as I was chatting to you before recording. I have been spending, uh, every morning while I've been away reading your book, and I've just been. Loving it and I've got so much I wanted to, uh, to chat about. But before we do, I want to, uh, ask you a question that I ask everyone, and that is, do, did you have a dream as a child, something you wanted to do or have or become?

[00:03:37] Carlii: You know, that's such a good question and I I was thinking about this a lot. As I was actually writing the book, and for whatever reason, I have the strangest memory, I know that when I was a young child, I loved dancing and I loved performing, which is strange because I.

actually was also a very shy child.

But in the right rooms with the right people, I, I loved that performing and [00:04:00] dancing. But for whatever reason, I remember I wrote down this list. Of all the things I'm good at, and there was this one that has like, it's been cemented into my memory and it was, I'm a good listener and that's, Stayed with me all of my life and it today, you know, as someone who's now working with so many people around the world, and, you know, listening to people's stories, I've never lost that.

I actually love listening to people, so I don't know if that answers the question, but it's a memory that just kept popping up that, Yeah.

I'm, I'm a good listener.

[00:04:41] Kristina: Yeah. And you are, and that's kinda really handy in the line of work that you're doing now.

[00:04:46] Carlii: It is because I think there's one thing to listen to, a especially, and you would know this also coaching. You can listen to what someone's saying. Then there's another level that you need [00:05:00] to intuitively listen to. It's like whole body listening and really looking at what their body's telling you as well.

So perhaps you're not hearing it, but you are feeling it. And that's a quality that I'm really starting to cherish more as I, as I get older.

[00:05:17] Kristina: Yeah, it's an interesting one because last night I was thinking about it where as I was going to bed, there's a couple of people that I've been catching up with while I've been away, and both of them have some really amazing ideas and, uh, I saw them just a couple of months ago and now I'm back here and I saw them again and I was like.

Hmm. I think, yeah, I think I can support them to kind of just take that next step. And this is. This is something as a coach and as, um, as someone who really wants people to live their dream life, because it completely changed my life when I wrote some dreams down many years ago, I see this so often and, and I'm guilty of it too.

That is that we have all these amazing ideas that we always think, and you, You actually talk about it in the book, like, I [00:06:00] need another education, I need another degree, or I need another course, or another book. And sometimes yes, we, we might, and I, I find I read all the time, and it is by like my, your book has.

Triggered so many of my, my ideas and things like that. So I don't discourage people to read because I think you can do that at any given time. But versus waiting for that specific, um, degree. But we're gonna dive into all that. But I wanna just ask you to maybe share a little bit about your journey for our listeners, because we have a global audience and maybe not everyone ever heard about you yet.

[00:06:35] Carlii: So I'll start by saying I'm a high school dropout, and spent a short period of time as a hairdresser. I, through that time, I had many hard earned life lessons and. Two months spent at a health retreat, which then led to several magical serendipitous moments, which then led to me launching my own [00:07:00] PR consultancy at 21.

So at the time when I launched my PR consultancy, I. Wanted to specialize in wellness and personal development because having spent two months at a health retreat and completely transforming my life, I realized that by focusing on those areas in your life, you can really. Create magic. So I did that for many, many years, represented some really incredible people from all different walks of life, very varied from, you know, a supermodel to New York Times for selling authors, inventors, musicians, like just a really incredible collection of people.

Then I went on extended maternity leave, and this is where I, I think the story gets really relevant to why I wrote the book. It was on extended maternity leave that. I was confronted with the reality that I'd spent so much of my time building the personal brands of these amazing people, putting them out there, [00:08:00] sharing their story, helping them build influence, but I'd never applied that thinking to myself.

[00:08:05] Kristina: Mm.

[00:08:07] Carlii: And that was a real wake up moment for me because not only was I on extended maternity leave, feeling invisible as as many parents do when they step out of the game, I just realized how. If that was what I was struggling with and I had lived and breathed all of this for so many years, then there must be a, a real need in the market that a lot of people probably haven't thought about this particular part of themselves and how they're showing up in the world, and that that's led me to do what I'm doing today.

[00:08:42] Kristina: Oh, I love that. because I feel like the people that come into my world. All of them have stories like this, not exactly like that, but you know, a story where there was a challenge. And then I always like, this can be your thing. This is something you, you walked through it, [00:09:00] you work through it.

You, you find your way of getting through it. And then there was always someone just behind you who might need what you're doing. And that's, I really wanna focus much more on that next year for me, uh, in my, in my coaching program because I feel like everyone needs that so much.

[00:09:17] Carlii: Uh, they really do. And, and we take it for granted what we've been through. We take it for granted what we know, and because we assume that everyone knows it, like everyone's been through it, everyone, you know, that's just, there's nothing valuable in that. But really, as you said, there's always someone that's a step or three steps behind you that could.

Be helped by what you know and specifically how you say it in the way that you say it.

[00:09:48] Kristina: I, uh, love for you to start. You wrote an article for LinkedIn.

That went viral. Do you wanna just share a little bit about

[00:09:56] Carlii: Yes. Yeah. In, in 2019, [00:10:00] so I wrote this article, it was titled, beware of These three Thoughts on the Path to Putting Yourself out there, and Absolutely it went crazy viral. I was, I had people inviting me to join their religions as a result. It was just, it went crazy as the first time and, and last time that's ever happened to me.

The reason why I wrote the article was I had been, I'd started coaching and was coaching, you know, all different people from all different walks of life at all different levels of their career. The one thing they all had in common was they were all having these three thoughts. And I thought, okay, if everyone's having these three thoughts, then they're actually not personal.

It's some form of universal resistance that?

exists in the world to stop us from doing the things we wanna do. So if we know what these three thoughts are and we can look at them and almost prepare for them objectively, then they won't stand in the way of us doing what we need to do. So [00:11:00] the three thoughts are. Who am I to speak? So there's this idea that, you know, who am I? I'm not important. No one would wanna listen to me, so why would I bother? Uh, I'm not saying anything new, so why would anyone care? This thought of, and this is, I see a lot of executives that I work with who hesitate from sharing thought leadership because they think it's gotta be so groundbreaking and earth shattering.

It's never been heard before, which. You know, 'cause crazy. And then the last thought is everyone will think I have a big ego. So this worry that people are going to look at them and think, oh, you know, who do they think they are? They're so up themselves and whatever else. And that article for sure went viral because I feel like everyone saw themselves in those three thoughts.

[00:11:50] Kristina: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, it's so, I hear this all the time and I had a lady, Jane Lu, she's now on Shark Tank and [00:12:00] much more well known now than when I interviewed her. And I remember her saying, and I often share this because I feel, 'cause she's so out there now in terms of television and doing extraordinary well and, um.

She was really worried about public speaking and, uh, she, her boyfriend, which is now her husband, said, what, what makes you so special that you can't do it when so many people are doing it? It was such a good way of, of looking at it, and I often think about the people that come through my program. I always think.

They're amazing speakers and they're so, they know their topic so well, and I'm like, like, and then it's always about encourage 'em to just start taking action because I think you can, you can think about a plan for it forever and you know, necessary to do it, but comes a place where you just have to do it.

And in my experience as a, as a speaker now, it, there's just nothing that Compared to, uh, [00:13:00] being up there on stage, and you'll have, you'll have to have some uncomfortable sessions.

[00:13:04] Carlii: to, you have to go through it. You have to go through the, you know, the, the mind blanking. You have to go through the person sleeping in the front row. You have to go through the, you know, the other person who's sitting there with their arms crossed, like it, it almost looking as though they purposely are just shooting daggers at you.

Like you have to go through all of that uncomfortable moments.

[00:13:29] Kristina: And that, that's where the growth is. And, uh, I always start my talks actually, um, because I, you know, I often speak in front of entrepreneurs and I always address like, why would you listen to me? I failed publicly, not once, but twice. And I always share that that is where my growth really came from. I like, never, like, never really came from the success.

Success was amazing. And, you know, a fun ride and lots of learnings. But it was all the mistake, not just the big mistakes that people would've seen, but it's all the [00:14:00] mistakes that we make behind the scenes. That is where the growth is, in my opinion, because otherwise you won't be, you won't have the comparison.

[00:14:08] Carlii: Absolutely. And it's the, you've got multimillion dollar lessons to share to help them navigate their journey. And that is the, that is where the growth is. That is where the value is. But we, we put all the other stuff on the pedestal and that's all the shiny stuff that we are aspiring to, but everything, and one of the greatest gifts that I have.

Was given in life was one of my very first clients, Dr. John d Martini. I'm not sure if you're

[00:14:39] Kristina: Yeah.

he's been on my show.

[00:14:41] Carlii: Oh.

[00:14:41] Kristina: been on this podcast. Yeah. And I absolutely love that. That was a long time ago and he invited me to his hotel room. It was so hilarious. And he was so funny. And my girlfriend, Anna Karin, she's also been on this podcast. She came with me and we had such a love. He's so, he's so amazing and also so crazy.[00:15:00]

[00:15:00] Carlii: He's so, and, and that's a perfect way of describing him, but you know, the essence of his work is that basically there is no support without challenge. There is no good without bad. There's always a balance. And, you know, learning that at a young age was such a gift because it means that. Even in the good times, there's a downside to them.

You know, I wrote about this this morning. Your dreams come at a cost, like nothing is all the good. So to have the success that you had and you still have, that comes with massive lessons and price that you have to

[00:15:39] Kristina: Yeah, absolutely. And it's funny because I often think about this 'cause I do three pages of journaling every morning and, uh, I often think about this is based on, um, uh, another great author Julia Cameron's, the Artist Way. I don't know if you've read that, but, um, I took those three. That's something that I did very early in my, you know, mid [00:16:00] twenties.

I started that when I started my business and I've been doing it ever since and it's helped me so much and it's often my way now of thinking because I love. I love the way of journaling, but I was thinking about sitting here in this incredible, uh, home holidaying, uh, but it's a working holiday and um, and then sometimes I'm thinking.

You know, if I was just working, you know, the nine to five and having six weeks of holidays, so four is, that's what we have in Sweden, perhaps less here. and I was thinking what's, well, you know, having a complete holiday would be so much easier because you're not juggling the kids and the family and the, you know, the catch ups.

And you know, we had family popping in yesterday and I was like. You know, work was like building up and then, and then this morning I was thinking I would never have it in any other ways. 'cause I love what I get to do. Like, you know, you suggested should we do this when I'm not away? And I'm like, I actually love it

[00:16:53] Carlii: Yeah,

[00:16:54] Kristina: and it's so, and it's so good.

And, and I, I get so many of my ideas when I. Do a working [00:17:00] holiday, but it comes with the cost. 'cause the kids sometimes be like, But I feel like the other way, like if you work for someone else, you don't have the flexibility. I can, I can drop any everything at any time to do a family thing and you know, at a sunny, 'cause um, the other morning, um, me and Tiffany got a jet ski and we went to watch whales coming off of the water and I was like.

So amazing. And, uh, it's often one of those things where I think we often, I, I thought, oh, maybe we'll do that next time when the whole family is here and we can, and I was like, no, I'm not gonna wait. We can do it again. And the best thing we ever, ever done, I haven't been on Jessica for so long, and it was so fun.

It was like, uh, you know, the, you have to take the good with the bad. When I say, when I say bad, it's like not bad. It's

[00:17:44] Carlii: Yes.

Challenging. You have to, you have to have both at the same time. And I think, and this is what De Martini speaks about so beautifully, is. I think the biggest problem most people face is the expectation that there'll ever be a [00:18:00] moment without that.

but that there'll ever be a moment without the challenge and, and it's actually the expectation or the fantasy of that, that is our biggest problem, and I really believe that. I'm so grateful that I learned that at the young age of 21, because I think that saved me so much heartache in my life.

[00:18:20] Kristina: Yeah. Yeah. And I, uh, I spoke the other day about thriving, uh, through a challenge. And, uh, I think that's something I got really good at. I, I went through a very challenging time losing my business, and, uh, I was. In a lot of ways thriving through that because uh, all the things that I worked through are myself and sometimes I wonder, am you know, am I, am I I'm spending too much in this kind of personal growth space, but it's my passion and it's what I do now.

And um, and I'm just so grateful because I got through that really in a really positive way. 'cause I. Kept thinking and I kept thinking about that. Now, even if, like, if I get unwell, I'll always [00:19:00] think, you know, that's a good reminder how good health is. And I try to always look at, well, what is it here to, to teach me?

And we all need reminders because sometimes we just take things for granted. And, um,

[00:19:13] Carlii: totally.

Oh, it's so true. And I think also the fact that you were able to navigate those moments and still keep that, maybe not peace and serenity, maybe they're not the right words, but that mindset and that silver lining perspective, you know, only the other day I was speaking with my, my brother, who's also an entrepreneur, and I was talking about the fact that.

As an entrepreneur or someone who works for themselves, you know, as you would know all too well, it's, it's waves Like you go through moments of good, moments through bad, and if you attach your sense of self-worth to. You know, the successes, all the failures, then you are, you are in for a very rocky rollercoaster [00:20:00] ride.

Whereas it sounds to me like, and that's where the value of the work comes in, like you are so, you know, you're so much more than all of that stuff that's happening. You're just, you are there, you are witnessing it, you're experiencing it, but you are not it.

[00:20:15] Kristina: Yeah. Yeah. And I think my attitude was like, you know, and it, and it didn't happen overnight. There was a lot of thinking through this, but I, I, um, I, I kept thinking if I've done it once, I can do it twice. And I think if you have the opportunity to do a business. A second time or a second business, you do it much, much better.

And I'm so, so because, you know, I, I was very ambitious in my twenties. Still am very ambitious, but in a very different way. I don't want that big team. I don't want to be, I don't wanna have stores around the world. 'cause that was, you know, had a lot of headaches and, uh, and, uh, I still wanna be global, but not in, in that way.

So it's, um, it's been so many learnings around that. So I wanna talk about one of the chapters in your book. And something that is [00:21:00] so aligned with the way I think is about talking to your future self. So I'd love for you to share a little bit with our listeners how you can do that and what, why that is so important.

[00:21:12] Carlii: So I came across, I dunno when exactly I came across. The even knowing or learning that there was actually a whole segment of the, in the world of psychology called future self psychology, and there were a few pioneers in that space of of whom I've, I've read all of their books now and, and researched it quite extensively because I find it fascinating.

But ultimately it's this acknowledgement that. Your future self is going to be a completely different person to who you are and what the research shows is. We can look backwards and see how much we've changed, but when we look forwards, we [00:22:00] have this kind of illusion that, Oh, you know, I am who I am and Yeah,

I'm gonna age.

But no, I'm pretty much, I'm a done, you know, I'm a done deal and, and I'm just going to get maybe a little saggier and whatever else, but, and Dr. Daniel Gilbert, who's a Harvard psychologist, he coined a term. In 2013, and it's called the End of History Illusion. And basically it just debunks that whole idea.

And he basically says, you're always a work in progress. You'll always be a work in progress, and you're going to change just as much as you changed in the past 10 years. You'll change in the the next 10 years moving forward. And so when you start to look at that future self as being a completely separate woman or man.

You realize, okay, every decision I make today is going to impact him or her, and I need to be mindful of that. Like, and, and I, I [00:23:00] often will look back and think I am so grateful to Carlii of. You know, seven years ago who took that step not knowing what was going to happen, not knowing where it was going to lead to, but she took that step in putting herself out there because I couldn't be who I am without her.

 And I And I actually have this, visualization I've been using this a lot, so maybe this will be of value to your listeners. Where I visualize that I'm standing, on a stage or at least I'm, I'm, I'm about to step on stage and I've, I'm holding my book and I reach back and I hold the hand of myself seven years ago, and then she reaches back and she holds.

The hand of my 25-year-old self, and then she reaches back, and so we go all the way back to when I'm a baby and then. I hug each of them and then they become me. And then I look over to the, corner and it's my future [00:24:00] self smiling in the corner. And I, she's not, you know, I can't reach her yet, but she's coming.

And I think it's a beautiful thing to remind yourself that all of those versions live within you.

it's a beautiful thing to do and ha to have those conversations with your future self, to tune into that vision of your future self. It's a really, and to use your future self as potentially a mentor.

It's just so powerful. It's, it's just like this idea of you fall so in love with yourself, both past and future, that you are almost bulletproof as

[00:24:37] Kristina: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And you know, I did this exercise with my coaching. Program, uh, or coaching group on Monday night where, so this, so we take September to kind of plan out the final quarter. A lot of people don't actually do anything the final quarter 'cause they're thinking a new year coming up and uh, you know, I haven't done what I said I would do, so I might as well just wait for New Year [00:25:00] while I'm here.

Like final quarter is the most important one. 'cause if you then put, because a lot of people slow down and if you actually just. Focus on making that year and that final quarter your your best. Then imagine how you start the next year. So I just feel like, and, and you know, it's easy to just fall into this kind of, uh, it's too late.

I might as just wait and I'm like, years are just made up, so you might as well just start now. So I'm really, I love, like today for me it's like a New year's, new year's day. Like I love, I love that. And, um. Yeah. And then I was encouraged that we, we, we would, we were writing out your top three for, the quarter.

So that's what I encourage people to do. Like just focus on three things and then a habit that will give you energy or joy or something that will help you. Uh, do that. So we did that and then I asked everyone to envisage themself on New Year's Eve. Looking back, having achieved that, how do they feel and what kind of advice would they then give to you now?

And uh, it's so powerful. It [00:26:00] seems so simple, but when you actually do it, you, cause you can really, really change. When we wanna change our life, which is I'm all about helping people create their dream life, whatever that is, it doesn't mean a big business or a big career. It could be whatever people want, you actually have to change.

And, um, you can't leave the same life over and over and expect you to be, it be different. So that's why I was like, it's so important to, to really think about what kind of habits do this person have, and what kind of thoughts do they have? So, yeah, it's really inspiring.

[00:26:31] Carlii: so ins that really is so inspiring.

and, and now I'm, I'm gonna be spending the rest of this day thinking it's like the new year because we do it on New Year and you're so right. It's all made up anyway, so why not use that same like, excitement in, in the last quarter? I

think that's wonderful.

[00:26:52] Kristina: And just, and you know, when everyone starts, you know, having parties midweek, you just like working and then you can have your party on New Year's Eve [00:27:00] still, and then you can celebrate all the amazing things because I think all these kind of, um, I don't know if it's procrastination or whatever it is to, to wait for the new year.

it's just our own worst way of thinking, but it's um, it's easy to do that. I can understand why people doing it and I've obviously been guilty of it. Um, myself. I also wanna talk, about what we started with this podcast. 'cause I'm conscious of stopping on time for you. Uh, is.

What kind of advice do you have for people who wants to keep learning and have that next piece of paper of, uh, you know, proof or the next degree, or the next course, or whatever it is? What kind of advice do you have for those people to stop learning and to act?

[00:27:44] Carlii: Yes. And that that's right. The, the, the header of the chapter is Stop learning and Start Doing, and there is nothing, you know, as we've just been talking about, there is nothing wrong with continuing to learn and to immerse yourself in new information and [00:28:00] to to be on the cutting edge of what's happening out in the world.

So I'm all for learning, but what I've discovered through working with, and many of the executives that I work with, often, as soon as they start contemplating leveling up or going to the next, you know, level of their career, they think, okay, well I need a new degree, or I need a PhD, or I need to do my MBA and.

Sometimes it that's relevant and, and sometimes that's wonderful and all to them to, to push in that direction. But sometimes it is a form of procrastination. And I've even had clients admit that I had one client in particular admitted that she really was only pursuing her masters because she thought that would make her feel more confident.

[00:28:47] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:28:48] Carlii: And we both know that that is not the truth, that the only thing that will make you feel confident is taking confident action. Like you have to do the thing to actually feel confident doing [00:29:00] the thing. And we hear this all the time, but yet we try to convince ourselves that. Oh No. but if I, I get that one more degree, or if I do, you know, that one more thing, then I'm gonna feel like a more finished version of myself and that will give me the confidence.

And it's just not, it's just not the truth.

and it can be a real drain in time and resources when all you're doing is putting off the inevitable. You have to go through that, barrier of fear and hesitation. You have to get through that, and that's where the confidence will really

[00:29:37] Kristina: Yeah.

Absolutely. I could not, agree more. the other thing I wanted to, briefly talk about is your chapter, the Life Changing Magic. Magic of I, can you share about what that's all about? 'cause I think that's also so relevant for, uh, our listeners.

[00:29:55] Carlii: Yeah. so I was reflecting on when I, when I went on maternity [00:30:00] leave, I was, became obsessed with yoga, like obsessed. It was my vocation. And it's so funny now that I really think about it. Like I, I really am obviously, as I'm sure you are too, you, you, we are career driven. We are like, we've gotta do things, we wanna be productive.

So I even applied that thinking to my yoga, and I was going every day. Like, it's ridiculous. But the one part of the, the class that I loved the most was when we all chanted Om like that sound. Something about that sound transports me. And I did a little research and they say that, and the research shows that they say that OM is a portal to the collective universe.

It's the sound of creation. And I was reflecting on how. If that's the, the sound of the collective universe or. Of the collective then the sound and word I is our portal to our personal universe. And if you think about how we use the word I [00:31:00] shapes our whole existence, you know, I am confident, I'm an introvert.

I don't like this, I like this. I can, I can't, you know, all of these things. And you know, talking about, as you said, that idea of. If you wanna change, you have to change. Like if you want your life to be different, you, there's a really good chance that you have to be a different person, like a different version of yourself.

Not that you have to pretend to be something you're not, but it's that you have to go through the growth to be something you really wanna be. And with that. Comes a different identity. And actually the word identity, I don't know if you know this, but the word identity comes from the Latin root Em, which means same.

And so your identity is shaped by, I suppose, the sameness of all that you've been and all that you do and all that you continue to say about yourself. So if you wanna change that, change the way you use the word I and just [00:32:00] see how that has a ripple effect in your life. And I, Yeah.

I think that's a really powerful step that people underestimate the power of like really taking a backseat in their thinking and seeing what are those.

Consistent statements that they make about themselves and questioning. Well, if that's, if they wanna stay the same,

[00:32:21] Kristina: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I, I hear this so often, it's like, that's just not me. And I'm like, oh, that's an interesting one.

[00:32:27] Carlii: Yeah, exactly.

[00:32:29] Kristina: And you know, I've, I'm definitely having those thoughts too. It's like, and it's, it's, um, worth going a little bit deeper on this because obviously there are. You know, you need to know your values and uh, I wanna just briefly talk actually about purpose, because my thing is like, once you know your dreams and your values and your passions, 'cause I think life should be all about what we love doing because that's makes life so much more fun.

Not less challenging, but much more fun. And then, um, know what our purpose is. So I would love for you just to share for someone who [00:33:00] is, know, don't feel like they created, I, I read too in your book that, you know, it's not something we just all of a sudden find. It's something that we choose or something that we create and, uh, love for you just quickly to, give any tips around that.

[00:33:14] Carlii: Yeah.

And, and, and it's that statement in and of itself that we, we sold this idea that it. It's about finding your purpose, and so we go looking for it and we're wondering when it's going to come, and we, we are waiting for that moment, that epiphany where it's like, oh, I've got it. Whereas just by changing the language and making that statement of this is the purpose I'm choosing.

And, and maybe your purpose today is not gonna be your purpose in five years. It's not like you have to marry a purpose, and then that's it for the rest of your life. You are, you know, as we just talked about, you're going to change. And so your perspectives and your, I mean, anyone who's had children knows that just in, in and of going through the process of becoming a parent.

Your values [00:34:00] change, your priorities change, your perspectives change. Everything changes. And your purpose changed? You know, I know for when I had my babies. Actually, up until that point, my purpose and everything that I pursued was not selfish, but it had a very different flavor. And then once having children, my purpose was like, I wanna create a world that is great for them and then great for my grandchildren and, and so on and so forth.

So. Choose it. Choose it today, and maybe it's your purpose for this year, but don't make it such a big deal that you feel like you're lost. 'cause you don't have a purpose. Just

[00:34:42] Kristina: Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And I think, yeah, and I think also like, your purpose should be like a direction, not necessarily a destination. It could be like you, you know, it's like going west, you know, you keep going. You never really reach it. And then of course you can make any turns at any given time.

So yeah, [00:35:00] completely agree with that. I wanna finish, um, conscious of your full staff. I wanna ask three really quick question. One, do you have a morning ritual?

[00:35:09] Carlii: It is a coffee. I, I have a coffee. I sit on, we, we live on a river, so I go and sit, have a coffee, and just contemplate life as I, that's the beautiful thing of being on water is It changes every day. It changes every day. So that's my, my special time. Other than that, no, no other ritual, but that's my morning ritual.

[00:35:30] Kristina: Yeah. Love it. Love coffee. I kind of feel like I live for that coffee in the morning. I absolutely love it. I have a ritual where I, sit for five minutes and have my coffee with no, no books, no journals, no phone, and it's the best five minutes of the day sometimes.

[00:35:45] Carlii: The best. It's the best. It's like that magical moment. No one's awake and It's just you and your coffee. And if you are not grateful in that moment, you'll never be grateful

[00:35:55] Kristina: exactly. Exactly, exactly. Um, the other question I have for you, do you [00:36:00] have a favorite nonfiction book or a book that had a really big impact on you?

[00:36:04] Carlii: Yeah. it was, and I, I actually met the author, the Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Brony Ware. Like you can't read that book without like the person you are when you start the book. And the person you'll be when you finish the book are two completely different people. Plus, make sure you have a big box of tissues as you're reading the book, because it's just, All of life's greatest wisdom distilled in a, a short form book. And it's not about what research says about life and personal development, it's not about, you know, any famous or high profile individual and what they talk about. It's. You know, five stories of five, just beautiful ordinary human beings and the wisdom that they, they learned or, or they share at the end of their life when they know they're on death's doorstep and it's so powerful.

[00:36:56] Kristina: Yeah. And it's such a good reminder. And I also love, love [00:37:00] your, chapter around, um, uh, you know, creating your own funeral and that you know, your friend's friend. Oh, it really, oh gosh. I highly, yeah. I'm gonna obviously link the book. Highly recommend, um, the whole book, that chapter really gets you. So yeah, I'm looking forward to everyone reading.

Yeah, for sure, for sure. The final question I have is, knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give to your younger self?

[00:37:26] Carlii: I would tell her that. And it's similar to what you just said so beautifully about the direction, not a destination. And actually that's, that's everything There's no full stop. There's no, there's no destination. It's about the journey, enjoying the journey. Nothing that you'll achieve outside of yourself will.

Ever probably give you the validation that you think you're seeking through, you know, external achievements. Nothing's gonna give you that. And. I think [00:38:00] if you really knew that from the get go, and maybe it's a good thing you don't know that because the cha in, it's in the chasing that you grow and you experience and it's, you know, maybe that hunger is a good thing, but it's so interesting and I, I know you would know this.

When you achieve all of those things that are those external markers of success, you achieve them and you go, oh, but I'm still me, and, oh, my life's still my life. And I thought that it was gonna make me different. I thought it was gonna make me more happy, but actually it was all, it was the process that made me happy,

[00:38:35] Kristina: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I always say that for people who have started their own business, and especially in retail, 'cause my experience that I don't remember when we opened our hundred 20th store, which what we got to, I remember the first one like it was. Uh, yesterday, sorry. And it's so amazing to really, realize that it's not about the achievements, it's about what you do every day and how you [00:39:00] choose to live.

So this has been so inspiring. I'm very conscious of time for you. So I, uh, I just wanna say thank you so much for writing this book for all of us to enjoy. I highly recommend everyone. Uh, get a coffee. And also thank you so much for inviting me to your launch. I absolutely loved it and I was so inspired and part of my dream day.

So I'm really looking forward to, um, chatting with you again and, uh, thank you so much.

[00:39:25] Carlii: I can't wait. thank you so much.

for having me.

[00:39:27] Kristina: Thank you. Wow. I am so inspired. I hope you are too. I really hope this conversation sparked something in you.

A reminder that courage isn't about big, dramatic leaps. It's about choosing small steps. Each day that ADD app to a life that you truly love, make sure you get a copy of her wonderful book, courage to Be. I'll pop a link in the show notes, as always, if you wanna dive deeper, the theme in the [00:40:00] Dream Life Coaching program in October is all around creating and living your purpose. I will link to that into show notes as well. Or just head over to your dream. Life starts here.com and if today's episode resonated, I'll be so grateful.

if you could share it with a friend who might need this encouragement as well. I would love to hear what you got out of this conversation. Let me know in my private Facebook group, your Dream Life podcast. I'll link to that as well. before I go, a reminder, progress, not perfection, is what brings dreams to life.

As always, I'll be back on Monday with another Monday morning motivation episode. I'll see you then.

 

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