Habits Podcast

#442 - NO DAYS OFF, with Dr James Rouse

Today’s episode is one I've been really looking forward to sharing with you because it explores something that is simple, yet incredibly powerful.

It's the idea that the life we create is built in the small choices we make every single day.

My guest today is the wonderful Dr James Rouse.

Many of you already know him as a performance coach, physician and inspirational teacher who's spent decades helping people reconnect with their purpose, their wellbeing and their energy for life.

In this conversation we talk about his brilliant new audiobook called No Days Off.

Now before you think this is about hustle or pushing yourself harder, it's actually the opposite.

It's about showing up for your life with intention - and choosing daily practices that support who you truly want to become.

There are so many valuable insights in this conversation, you better just dive in...

As always, I’d LOVE to hear what resonated most with you - so please share and let’s keep the conversation going in the Dream Life Podcast Facebook Group here.    

Have a wonderful week …and remember, it all starts with a dream 💛

Dream Life & kikki.K Founder

P.S. If you’re ready for guided support to make 2026 brilliant for you, starting with us helping you put a meaningful Quarterly Plan in place, explore Dream Life Coaching here: https://www.yourdreamlifestartshere.com/course 💛

SHOW NOTES:

RESOURCES:

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:01:22] Hi there, and welcome back to another episode of Your Dream Life podcast. Today's conversation is about something really simple, yet incredibly powerful. it's about the idea that life we create isn't built in big moments. It's built in the small choices we make every single day.

[00:01:44] My guest today is amazing. He's a returning guest and it's Dr. James Rouse. He is a performance coach, a doctor, and someone who has spent decades helping people live with more purpose, energy, [00:02:00] and intention.

[00:02:01] He's His new audiobook that he has done with our friends at Bolinda is called No Days Off, but it's not about hustle or pushing harder, it's about showing up for your life, your wellbeing, and your purpose. Every single. Day. In this conversation, we explore how small daily habits shape our identity, why discipline can actually be an act of self-love, and how we can all reconnect with what truly matters.

[00:02:33] So grab a cup of tea, coffee, or go for a walk. Take a deep breath and let's dive into this incredibly inspiring conversation with Dr. James Rouse. All about no days off.

[00:02:53] Kristina: hello Dr. James. I am so excited. Today was like Christmas day, morning for me.

[00:03:00] You know, I got myself a coffee, I went for a walk and I was like, I cannot wait for this. So a very warm welcome back.

[00:03:08] James: Thank you, Kristina. It is absolutely an honor and it's my gift. Thank you for having me.

[00:03:13] Kristina: Oh, such a pleasure. I am so excited. So I actually wanna just get straight in. So you have done an amazing program with the, our lovely friend Rebecca from Bolinda, and it's called no Days Off, which if I didn't know you, sounds quite intense. what does no days off really mean when it comes to living a meaningful life?

[00:03:38] James: I know it's so funny, Rebecca and I and her amazing gifted team, when we were thinking and ideating about a title. It just sort of came very organically. I mean, we're, we're a beautifully intense group of people, so it was, it was, and then it was like, oh my gosh, is that too much? Is that, is that sound like a little over the top, like [00:04:00] almost militant way too disciplined?

[00:04:02] And then we're like, no, it's perfect. If I can really preface, and Kristina, you're one of my, you're a good friend, so I can preface this. I feel like a lot of us right now, particularly people in your community, uh, Belinda's world, my world, we're really in a place where we're wondering how do we navigate life?

[00:04:25] And we're really trying to figure out how does life. Want to work without the struggle, without the heaviness, and not going into someplace where we're just pretending everything is wonderful because life is really asking a lot of us right now. So no days off is really giving us a blueprint. How do we navigate real life?

[00:04:46] How do we do it in such a way that we don't want to take time off from our life, but we wanna actually invest in every part of our life that we know brings us the blessings of being fully prepared, fully purposeful, and fully awake for all of it. So no days off is really how do we leverage our physiology?

[00:05:05] How do we leverage our chemistry? How do we leverage the intention that we know is sort of our spiritual contract of why we're all here?

[00:05:13] Kristina: Hmm. I absolutely love that. And one of my big dreams is to inspire 101 million people to write down three dreams and chase them. Because when I wrote down a few dreams, you know, 30 years ago, it completely changed my life. And you know, a dream life is never a perfect life. It's never that line that we see that people, I think It's not reality, but I think a lot of people like, like it to be reality. It's the ups and downs and how we kind of navigate while we are living our dream life. And, you know, all the things that's happening in the world right now is, it's difficult to navigate, but we also want to really focus on living our dream life in the crazy world that we live right now.

[00:05:58] So, and, and another thing that I wanna [00:06:00] say. Quickly is I, I feel like Life is too short not to live a life that we love. And that's why I'm so passionate about just asking people to write down a few dreams and then go and chase them. Because, that's why we are here. I think to do what we do best, that we can't change the whole world.

[00:06:16] We can probably change our little community perhaps, or our life at least. So how do we get into living the philosophy of no days off?

[00:06:26] James: Gosh, there's so many things that you just said, Kristina, that I love and I hope everyone really takes that to heart. It is not about the perfect life where everything is just working, as you said, this beautiful line where like, oh my gosh, I am this constant state of bliss. That's not the good life. The good life is being here for all of it.

[00:06:49] The shit storm, the good stuff, the stuff that brings us to our knees, the stuff that makes us cry for the good and cry for the sadness. No.

[00:06:57] days off was really something that I've. That I've really seen both professionally and personally as a physician, what I've seen in different experiences of everything from working with little ones and watching how little ones come into the world and watching how moms and dads help to raise them with a, a level of confidence and a level of wanting to be here and be present and how all the things can happen there.

[00:07:22] But also I think the bigger things that I've also learned is what I've been on the other end of life, witnessing death.

[00:07:29] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:07:30] James: Really being present for regret, being present for all the things that they say when they're ready to go. That was so meaningful that brought 'em to life. And I've really done my best to really take all the physiology, all the science, all the research, all the data, and serve it in a very practical way that every single day we can take pieces of it, take practices of it, and Kristina feel like we have a predictable path that we do not wanna miss, uh, any of life.

[00:07:59] We want to be here [00:08:00] for all of life. And I think the thing that I'm really coming to believe more and more, I, I'm turning 63 actually in a couple weeks. I lost my dad when he was 63,

[00:08:10] and it has a unique way of really kind of, kind of bringing me to my knees about what it's like right now to see his life shortened by some of the practices that he did ever did implement some of the ways in which he missed life.

[00:08:25] Some of the ways in which he's taught me so much about how I wanna be changing the things that I can as a dad, as a husband, as a clinician, as a person. To your point, how do we make our little part of the world something that we're proud of, something that's beautiful, and how do we have a roadmap that we can follow that brings us a, a level of predictability, but still the nuances of things we can't imagine could still happen.

[00:08:49] I'm a big believer there's a foundation that we can build every single day that no days off wants to give us. So from there, you get a chance to build and bring in all the things that are your dreams, all your intentions, all the joy and the resilience when hard things do happen.

[00:09:05] Kristina: Yeah. Yeah, I absolutely love that. So, so for anyone listening who hasn't gone through the program yet, I'm gonna link to that of course, in the show notes. But give us just a bit of a foundation on what no days means in kind of a practical term. How, what you know, I know it's about love your morning rituals.

[00:09:25] Our love, the, You know, living on purpose, et cetera. So give us this bit of a, what the blueprint is all about so people get excited about, um, getting into it.

[00:09:35] James: Okay. Well, Kristina, one of the great things is that, um, there it.

[00:09:40] is built around the day. And because of that, I think that a lot of people have gotten further and further away from what is the physiology, what is the chemistry of a good day, and how do we actually really lean into that? And there's something that we've walked through a lot.

[00:09:55] It's the circadian rhythm, and all of us know what that is. It's the 24 hour [00:10:00] clock, it's the sun, it's the moon. It's when we wake up, it's when we go to bed. And I think when we understand the power. Truly aligning with the circadian rhythm, our physiology, our metabolism, our serotonin, our dopamine, basically the pharmacy that's naturally occurring inside of all of us really has a chance.

[00:10:22] To work for us. And that really is the premise of the whole way in which this experience comes to life. It teaches you the practical ways that you can align with the day. You can count on chemistry to work for you, and you get a chance to really kind of create almost like a force multiple where things like rituals.

[00:10:43] You just mentioned that Kristina, I have seen. Some of the best research I've ever witnessed, how I coach patients and how I've kind of been working with my own next iteration of a person who's moving in to a seventh decade. There is so much to be celebrating around having a ritual. Now we can say, Oh, my gosh, I can have, you know, so many rituals.

[00:11:02] Well, good, but have the one primary. Try to have it as early in the day as possible because that ritual will establish a predictable chemistry where optimism, resilience, love, presence, joy, literally becomes absolutely something that you know, you're gonna bring into life every single day. When you have that ritual, and I know I live in the United States right now, and I say right now because I'm threatening to move every day, and I

[00:11:34] Kristina: Oh, come over here.

[00:11:36] James: I think I wanna, I just wanna come someplace where I don't know, where it just doesn't feel like the leadership is so fucking crazy every day. And we wake up and we feel like we lean into media and we lead into things going to go, how's my day gonna be? Well, before we check into seeing what someone else is asking of us who are potentially doing to us, we need to begin with what it is that we're gonna do for ourselves.

[00:11:59] How are [00:12:00] we gonna bring locus of control back to ourselves? One of my favorite books, I know Kristina, we talked about this last time we were together, Viktor Frankl wrote a book, man's Search for Meaning, which was basically about how it is. If we can really understand what we have infinite control over, we have a lot to say about how well our life is gonna go.

[00:12:21] a morning ritual. Not only is it establishing a way in which we give our chance to chemistries to come to life, we also do something to a part of our brain. This is something I really find so amazing. It's called the anterior cingulate cortex. You can think of that almost like a muscle within your brain that when you choose to do a ritual, something that's not easy, uh, it doesn't wanna be easy, easy.

[00:12:46] It wants to kind of push us against our edges a little bit. And then we wanna just say, oh, this is gonna, this is gonna ask of something of me. This is gonna be a little bit hard, but hard in a good way. I wanna do it. When we go and pursue that hard ritual, that one thing that pushes against our edges, the interior cingulate literally grows within our brain.

[00:13:08] And what that does, it trains us to look for other things that are gonna be braving for us. I love to say the word braving. This is me moving into my brave self. This is me moving into my courageous self. This is me moving into the part of myself that.

[00:13:23] says throughout the day, if I'm gonna grow. I am gonna give myself that opportunity.

[00:13:28] Oh, guess who just woke up? One of my dogs just

[00:13:31] Kristina: That's okay. That's part of it. I love it.

[00:13:35] James: can say, you know, now that our kids are out in the world, my kids are out in the world. We have other kids, the children of the, of the

[00:13:44] Kristina: Exactly. I, I have the same. And you know, my just, um, by thing, my son or our son turns 18 next week and, uh, oh, just such a, and you know, I, I do this kind of exercise all the time where I actually look [00:14:00] at, you know, how old am I gonna be in 10 years time? 'cause it just, when you just think about 1-year-old, it doesn't really, it's just part of it.

[00:14:05] But 10 years, especially when it comes to kids, it just makes such. Gives you such a wake up call. And I've been doing that for many, many years, but still I'm not prepared for that 18 'cause I'm just like, don't move out. I just want, I just want him to stay.

[00:14:20] James: I, I love that. And I think that goes to. So many things when this idea, as I was expressing before, um, the dogs get excited about the anterior cingulate, the the way in which this really works for all of us. I know that your community is really dedicated to creating a life that they love and they wanna know that they have sort of the, um, the neurochemical foundation to chase their dreams, to move towards their goals, to stretch themselves.

[00:14:48] Well, the interior singlet, as we, as we do a morning ritual. Something they're pushing up against our edges. It literally begets wanting the next goal. It wants the next challenge, it wants the next brave opportunity. And I think sometimes we try to. We try to really rely so much on our willpower. We try to push ourselves and many of us are exhausted.

[00:15:10] Right now we're tired and we're thinking, oh my gosh, if I don't will myself all day long to pursue everything, I'd like to be the mom. I wanna be the dad. I wanna be the entrepreneur I wanna be. What I love about the interior cingulate Kristina, it literally is doing the heavy lifting for us

[00:15:26] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:15:26] James: at that, like a part of my brain that I can train.

[00:15:30] To do the heavy lifting for me, I set the intention and my chemistry is saying, we can do this. We can do hard things. Let's go. Let's grow. Let's do this.

[00:15:41] Kristina: So what do you say then to people who, are exhausted and feel like, you know, I can't get up in the morning before work. Like, because when I'm out, so I have a thing where I go out for walks every morning and I actually like to start the day when the sun. Um, gets up, it's quite [00:16:00] late here now, so I'm out a little bit earlier than that, but then I can see the sun come up and it's just, it's just the best part of the day.

[00:16:06] And I always feel sorry for people who haven't realized that yet, because I think it's just, and you know, I don't actually push myself, so I love to dig a little bit deeper on that. But I do that a little bit later because I just, because for me, pushing myself is just to kind of. Get out there. Like, even though I, I've done it for so long, it's still a bit of a push because there is always a lot of competing, things that I could be doing in terms of work and family things, et cetera.

[00:16:30] But I, regardless how long I've got, uh, and ideally I like to have an hour, but if I don't still always go and see the, the sun coming up and and I love to you have your thought on this, but once you actually get used to get up a little bit earlier so you have that time for you, it just sets you up for the whole day and just helps you, like, I feel like it helps me with everything and, and I, I'm doing something hard this year, which is kind of weights, which is for my, a woman in, for my age is.

[00:16:58] As, you know, uh, crucial or vital. And uh, and that's something I don't love because I, I, I don't like gyms and I, so I'm doing it at home, so I'm just trying to work out what works for me, but that, that start of the day is so important. So what do you say to those people who, who feel like they work up in a reactive mode?

[00:17:17] Like what, how can they get started?

[00:17:20] James: I feel like this is, um. It's a support group for most of us, right? Many of us wake up in the morning and see either good morning God, or it's good God morning. Right? We're just like, where are we in all of this? Kristina, I think what you said is so important. I really want people to hear this. Try not to be the person who is springing outta bed and trying to put the face on.

[00:17:41] There's so much that we can do around just kind of having a little bit of heart coherence. I think many people, there's a research study that came out about how how many people across the planet from their pillow, when they wake up in the morning, can they actually reach from their pillow and still get to their phone.

[00:17:57] It's over 70% of [00:18:00] people. Right outta the gate. What a lot of people are doing, the first thing they wake up, they go and breach for their phone, and they immediately move into, I'm gonna either scroll, I'm gonna see what kind of potentially bad thing or good thing happened overnight. I'm gonna check my emails.

[00:18:15] Once we do that, we are literally leaning into a punch. Like leaning right into a punch because first thing in the morning, naturally cortisol levels are rising and cortisol often is talked about. It's a stress hormone. Well, it is a stress hormone, but it's also the hormone that gets us up in the morning.

[00:18:33] And if we use it as our asset. As an ally, it'll help us to get up under the influence of greater grace and peace and balance. But if we grab something stressful like our phone, we immediately are going into greater stress, greater adrenaline fatigue, and yes, exhausting what it is that we have an opportunity to use for something much more productive.

[00:18:58] So a 32nd intervention that we can do is literally, versus grabbing our phone, Kristina, you literally close your eyes and you go into your heart, and you literally just give yourself permission to breathe yourself into balance. You know what? I love what you said earlier, Kristina. Have a dream in your mind.

[00:19:13] Have a vision in your mind. Hold that for 30 seconds and let your heart have a coherence with your mind. When we do that, we're facilitating a whole different set of chemistries. So cortisol is getting a chance to just dampen a bit, oxytocin levels, which is trust and love and belonging, and goodness has a chance to rise.

[00:19:39] So we get a chance to then step outdoors, take in the early morning sun, have that help to set our circadian rhythm by looking towards the bright sky and saying to ourselves, okay, my heart has in coherence, my brain and my highs are now connected to the sun, my circadian rhythm's. Now coming in, you just literally did a complete [00:20:00] neurochemical physiological, emotional, and I'm even gonna say it, Kristina, a spiritual intervention.

[00:20:06] So that's gonna help bring in another whole key, your parasympathetic nervous system, which is recovery, rest, and reset. So many people wake up first thing in the morning, they grab their phone, they're immediately into something called sympathetic dominance, which is stress, fatigue, overwhelm. Can you imagine going over here to parasympathetic by simply holding your heart?

[00:20:32] Having an intention, doing a deep breath, stepping outdoors, taking in the sun. This takes just a few moments and your entire physiology has changed. I promise you. You do that for a week, you do that for 30 days. You are gonna see your entire world change for

[00:20:50] Kristina: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't, I couldn't agree more. So I know you are based in a cold climate and, um, that is many of my listeners, uh, or many of our listeners as well. cause I know that you are really brave when it comes to the coldness for those people who, who, that is a, a big, you know, for us here in Australia is not as big, but it's still, it's still in the wintertime here, it's not as inviting.

[00:21:16] So what do you, what. Because I grew up in a country where there was a saying, there's no such a thing as, as bad weather, just bad clothes. Because as kids we were always outside. It's just part of the Swedish way of living. but I know that that's not the case for everyone.

[00:21:31] So what kind of tips do you have? That is, that's where you rely on the routine? Uh, because I, I think the willpower is not always there when it's cold.

[00:21:40] James: Yeah.

[00:21:41] I think that the beautiful thing about your circadian rhythm is that it does construct a way in which your body starts to build. It starts to build the things that you want to be better at. So if getting up in the morning and getting out in the cold is something you resist. You practice it, you will find [00:22:00] over time you're gonna fortify and create a world in which your body loves it.

[00:22:04] And that can be, I mean, Kristina, I'm so beautiful about that. That can be your anterior cingulate cortex moment like, and it's really kind of cool. You'll say, do I have to love the cold? No, you don't have to love the cold. You have to say, you know what? I'm not really psyched about the cold. I don't really like the cold, but.

[00:22:22] I'm gonna go out because that's gonna train this thing in my brain that James was telling me about. So the rest of my day, I'm also taking on challenges, all the ways in which that metaphor of cold being a cold, a hard relationship to conversation, a business meeting where I have to really talk about some hard things with my team, whatever the ca, these are all cold things for us.

[00:22:46] But if we train early in the morning. Each of those becomes something that we can do the rest of the day with a level of courage, a level of, um, gritty love for what it is them growing and creating. So I, I love the idea of also looking at cold as something that really fortifies our immune system. People go, oh my gosh, well.

[00:23:07] Isn't it? Aren't you gonna catch a cold? No. When you are mindful about how you dress for it and get out in it, that is what's gonna get your nervous system and regulating and helping it to really come to life. There's a lot of research that says living in a static environment where it's all thermostat controlled and we don't have fluctuations that puts our metabolism to sleep.

[00:23:29] So Kristina, the more that we are in and out of cold, when we're in and out of hot weather and cold weather, getting into cold water, getting into asuna, all of that is training our metabolism. So we want to have changes in temperature. That's the way our body regulates and creates more and more fortitude and more resilience.

[00:23:48] Kristina: Yeah, and I couldn't agree more. So it's funny when I, so I went skiing, in the Norway in January, and, uh, I, and I don't love, like in, I don't love cold weather, so I'm a, you know, I now live in [00:24:00] Sydney and that's my kind of perfect weather. But anyway, I came back with a couple of injuries and yeah.

[00:24:05] And so I couldn't do yoga and I couldn't really. Walk, like I could walk but not, you know, long distance walk. So I then decided something that was really hard for me is to do. Sa I love sauna. I love the hot, but I don't love cold. Like I don't love ice bath or that, you know, the contrast. But I decided I'm just gonna, I'm gonna give myself two weeks to get used to it.

[00:24:29] And uh, the first time I just did sauna, I was like, I'll just dipped kind of my, you know, my legs in. And then, but then after a few days, I managed to kind of s you know, get in first of all, uh, and then, uh, stay longer and. I was kind of blown away from someone who absolutely could not even think about doing that to completely an addiction, a really good addiction.

[00:24:55] So I did it for every day, for 14 days. and then I was like, this is like having 300 coffees, you know, in a positive way. Not if you have three in the coffee, it's not a good thing. But like that feeling of having that.

[00:25:10] No, that was a, that was a bad one. Like having that first morning coffee, you know, when you just feel so like, I love coffee and I know you probably don't love

[00:25:17] James: Oh, I love I, I love, I ritualize coffee. I love

[00:25:22] Kristina: yeah, yeah. Okay. Perfect. So I, I, I just love that kind of first mouth of coffee like I did for me. It's like a ritual. And, um, and, uh, anyway, so I, so, so I, I'm sharing that because I was someone who, and my, one of my girlfriends, she's a doctor in Chinese medicine, and, uh, she is like also breath worker.

[00:25:40] And she's like, you should, you should try that contrast therapy a bit. And I was like, no. And then I called her the other day, I said, no. Now I get it, but you know what, what the reason of sharing that is because just having that kind of, you know, step outside and then go inside and then the next day kind of push yourself.

[00:25:57] I think that's a really kind of, [00:26:00] kind way of us, you know, being a bit of all or nothing personality and a lot of people in my coaching program is also that. Um, it's actually been a really good learning for me.

[00:26:10] James: Kristina, that is such a beautiful, the visual of that is so great because I feel. Everything's become so intense. We think it has to be all or nothing. We think we can't go out and have a beautiful six minute hit experience. We gotta go do an Ironman and I feel like this is all part of the extremism that's happening all over the world right now.

[00:26:36] Politically and, and, and biohacking. It's all kind of this interesting and unfortunate extremism, and I feel like one of the most beautiful things that we can do to temper that and give ourselves this beautiful incremental changes over time. We're more present for it and we get a chance to really witness ourselves doing something beautiful for ourselves and it's still heroic.

[00:26:58] It's still a a change and it's still something we should be celebrating. And I think there's something about what's happening in the world today that I am really, really keen on more and more. And in the no days off experience, we get into a lot of good science. I say practical science about something called the mitochondria.

[00:27:16] In the mitochondria, I probably remember from science class, everyone in high school heard about this. It's the little energy factories in every single cell, and when we're doing contrast and we're doing something that stretches us, we're doing HIIT work, we're doing breathing practice. All of this engages our mitochondria.

[00:27:35] And when our mitochondria is functioning at the optimum, our mental and emotional wellbeing literally becomes transcendent. This is a big part of why a lot of us are suffering. A lot of us are feeling, I, I just a kind of this just low grade sadness. Some of us just wondering like, gosh, I, I just want to feel more hope in my life.

[00:27:58] I want to feel more possible in [00:28:00] my life when our mitochondria gets a chance to really come and work for us, and you predictably help to build it and bring it back to life. The thing I see with my patients more and more, Kristina, and I see this in my own life as a dad who has daughters in their twenties, both in grad school, we talk a lot about this.

[00:28:18] What are you doing for your mitochondria? How are you feeding it? What are your supplements? What are you doing to get in contrast? So. Your mitochondria can be fortified because it's driving everything and a lot of us are in fatigue because our mitochondria is depleted. It's exhausted, and that's when our mind, and that's when our emotions, that's when our body starts to fall into that valley.

[00:28:44] So please, everyone. Give yourself permission to love on your mitochondria and watch how your lights come back on mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.

[00:28:56] Kristina: Yeah, I absolutely love that. So I wanna talk now about, uh, purpose. So this is very much part of my philosophy as well to, and I, and I, I can't tell you how. Like every day I am just so grateful that I get to live the life that I love and also to, to what I do for work. Like it's, I pinch myself and as I said to you earlier, before we recorded, I am speaking at the fuck up nights tonight and uh, uh,

[00:29:29] James: Louder for people in back C what was.

[00:29:32] Kristina: I was just thinking more about the, the, I was just more, and it's, um, it's funny because I've been having lots of fun. Uh, it's only like, it's a, it's an American, um, uh, Concept that has just been brought here to Australia. And, um, it's the, it's the, their first night, it's two girls, actually one who's Russian and one is from Ukraine, which I think is a beautiful combination, first of all, but then it is such a great one.

[00:29:57] Yeah, absolutely. And you know, when they, [00:30:00] when they asked me if I wanted to be their first speaker, I said, absolutely. It's like my area of expertise. And uh, and uh, I had, it's like a Ted. Talk style, it's short, which sometimes it's much harder because I could speak about my fuckups for days. But, uh, it has, I had so much fun and, um, what I love living and, in my view, I love to hear your view is.

[00:30:27] That I've created a purpose that I, you know, I didn't just find it one day, it was like I created it and I, I love what I get to do and every single day I am just, when I go for my work, I'm like, I cannot believe. And, you know, one of my big dreams for a long time, probably 20 years, took me forever, was still move to Sydney because I love this climate a little bit better than, than Melbourne.

[00:30:48] I love Melbourne as well, but I, I've always felt like this was my kind of city And now I take the ferry and like every day to, to the, not every day to the airport, but often to the airport, not to the the hallway, but then train. And I'm just like, I cannot believe I'm living this life.

[00:31:03] And that's why I really wanna talk about purpose, because I think so many people are trying to find it versus my view is like, how can we create our purpose? And I love to because that's part of your, blueprint in, um, no days off.

[00:31:20] James: I what I think you did so beautifully, Kristina, you helped us to kind of demystify it. I think too often we make purpose this giant. Oh my goodness, that I, every, everything, my whole world is gonna be built on this, and it's do or die. Everything is extreme with purpose. What I love about no days off.

[00:31:40] and the philosophy, it really gets into the science of micro purposes.

[00:31:44] The different things that we do all day long. And what's so beautiful about purpose, it's relationship to everything from longevity of course, to happiness, fulfillment. But what's also interesting about purpose, there's a physiological experience with this, that we can give [00:32:00] purpose to everything that we do as long as we're present for it.

[00:32:04] So I love what you said about coffee. I am deeply purposeful about good coffee. And when it's time to put my coffee together, there is nothing else going on. I'm very present with that. And this is beautiful because I think especially for moms and dads out there, and, um, so much of stewarding our children is we, we, we, we, we think about the quality of the time we have and when sometimes we're not getting the quantity we, that we should really focus on this because the quality of our interactions, even these, what they call micro moments of heart resonance, that is where purpose happens.

[00:32:38] It's like when you and I had our first moments being, we saw each, we haven't seen each other in a few months, and immediately you pop on and our eyes light up and we're smiling. We're saying, oh my God, Kristina, I love you. It's so good to see you. That's purpose. See, we need to bring purpose back to the every day.

[00:32:54] And I feel like we put ourselves in this very, very strongly difficult, heavy place with purpose. Like, oh my gosh, unless it's something that rocks the entire world. Is it really purpose? Yes, it is absolutely about what it is. When you see a friend, it's about when you decide to, this is something that really hits for me these days.

[00:33:17] My wife and I, we've been together 35 years. And we were talking this morning. We go on a walk every morning. It's a ritual we, we've never missed. Even when were before we were married, we did this, and there's a purpose behind it. The purpose is that we give ourselves permission to go out on this walk. It takes a half an hour.

[00:33:37] Sometimes we talk, sometimes we're silent. Sometimes we'll just sit in the woods and just be together. But the purpose is when we go our separate ways the rest of the day. This is the thing that we created. We have the bond. The purpose of being together for that 30 minutes carries us the next 10 hours, and it gives us permission to trust our relationship.

[00:33:59] It [00:34:00] gives us permission to know that this experience called us. What we did this morning gives us permission to lean into all the hard things that come, raising daughters, building businesses, going out in the world, and, and being courageous enough to make eye contact with strangers. Each of these things is micro purpose, so I would love your community to really take into account all the beautiful things they do every single day, the little things, the dozens of little things.

[00:34:31] And be fully there for them because each of those little purposeful experiences, they build our body, they build our mind, they build our emotions, they build our peace, and they help us to feel a sense of fulfillment and a sense of satisfaction with our life, right where we are, not where we're future casting, where we think we need to be.

[00:34:50] Kristina: Yeah. Yeah, I absolutely, beautifully, beautifully said. I wanna share, um, another thing around coffee. I started it,

[00:35:01] but it's, it's the, it's the ritual behind it. So, uh, a few years ago I decided. You know, it was a, it was a really full life during that time, and I decided to just take five minutes of silence while having my coffee. So at the time we were, I was living in Melbourne, we had a beautiful backyard, and if it was cold, I would sit inside.

[00:35:21] If it was outside, uh, it was warmer, I would sit outside but regardless, I could see nature. And this is after my walk and all my morning rituals. So this is around eight o'clock, and I would have my first coffee. And five minutes of silence. And I have kept that not perfectly in any way. Sometimes it's later, sometimes it's earlier.

[00:35:41] And now I added another thing on top of that, and I'll get to that in a second. But it's, it's been so amazing. Five minutes of silence seems such a. you know, non-event kinda way. But it's so big because, uh, five minutes when you have no journal, no books, no phone, no stimulation, [00:36:00] just silence it just brings so much.

[00:36:03] Insights, uh, in those five minutes. And, uh, it's one thing that I really, really look forward to. And now because, um, our son, he's in the final year of school, I just wanna make the most of that time. So when he comes down right, 10 past eight, he has his smoothie before he goes to school. And he's an entrepreneur now.

[00:36:20] He started a business when he was 14. And so we speak business for about. Maybe 15 minutes in the morning. So first my coffee in silence, and then that it's like their best ritual. So, uh, I just wanted to share that because I think sometimes the silence is like, I think people want, like, you know, and I think you know, the expectations of this podcast might be that we are gonna come with like a million things that are so hard, and they're hard, but they're also so simple.

[00:36:49] James: Kristina, you just gave such a nugget of gold. Uh, we have a practice in our house called Sacred Solitude, and we put ourselves in intentional timeouts, and I think particularly in the morning. And, um, what's so beautiful about what you just shared, we have something called decision capital.

[00:37:08] We all have it first thing in the morning. Our prefrontal cortex is kinda loaded. Let's go. And then if we give ourselves a bunch of decisions. We use it up pretty early in the day. It could be used up by 10 o'clock, 10 30, because we go, oh, I said I was gonna work out, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna work out.

[00:37:27] I said I was gonna have a coffee and sit in silence, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna do that. If we debate our self worth first thing in the morning, five or six or seven decisions that we could have said, these are non-negotiables, but now I'm debating my self-worth. That is one of the greatest ways that we defeat our purpose.

[00:37:47] Defeat our purpose. But if we take five minutes, three minutes, just sacred solitude and let everything just settle our decision, capital literally [00:38:00] amplifies for good decisions, creative decisions, big entrepreneurial, awesome decisions. Decisions where we're really looking at our partner and we know how to work with the emotions that are going on that can really help us to navigate and build trust together.

[00:38:16] The decisions that matter. But if we wake up and we're going, oh, I wonder if I'm gonna scroll. I wonder if I'm gonna go onto that Instagram. I want the things that do don't matter, really. Just save your decision capital by beginning in the morning with your sacred solitude. Let your prefrontal cortex settle into that place of peace.

[00:38:35] So when you come out, you are making beautiful decisions on behalf of beautiful purpose.

[00:38:41] Kristina: Yeah, I absolutely love that. And that's why I can't really work out at night. Uh, just don't have it within me. And even working at night these days is really difficult. So I, I totally get that. So I am That's such a great, um, tip. So, in your program you actually talk a little bit about discipline, actually being an act of self love.

[00:39:03] That's a really different way. 'cause I think a lot of people. When they hear their word discipline, it's like hard and it's, uh, it's, um, not nice word. Um, can you explain what you actually mean with that in terms of, you know, being, you know, that act of, kindness to self?

[00:39:21] James: I'm so glad you brought that up with all of the listeners who have been giving us feedback on No Days Off, that is probably one of the biggest ones. They say, like when you spoke a dis about discipline early on, I immediately felt my guard going up. Because a lot of us have experiences of either not being good with discipline or being disciplined, which made us feel like we weren't behaving well.

[00:39:45] What I love about the word discipline, um, the etymology is disciple, which means student. So for me, having discipline is being a student. It's being a student of when your life is working well. Being a student of when you feel a [00:40:00] sense of peace being a student of when you are finding your world kind of aligning with your heart and then you discipline your day so you can have those things more predictably come for you.

[00:40:12] And I think one of the biggest things I'm looking at at life, 63 years into being an entrepreneur, a dad, a doctor, and Yeah.

[00:40:21] someone who's effed up a ton in my life. Structural discipline is everything I build my day the night before, uh, I finished my day at four o'clock in the afternoon, and the last thing I do, Kristina, I map out the entire next day.

[00:40:37] It's done. It is done. That structural discipline helps my decision capital not get used up. And am I gonna work out? Am I gonna meditate? What time am I gonna have that? It is literally done. So I wake up and I plug into it that discipline. Has helped me with another discipline, which is reactive discipline.

[00:40:57] I feel like many of us probably are feeling like our nervous systems make us more triggered than ever. We'll say something that, oh my gosh, I what I, I wish I didn't say that. Or I'll send an email and I'm like, oh my goodness. The tone of that was not where I would like it to be. That is reactive discipline.

[00:41:13] When you have structured discipline, when you've built your day, and you've kind of fortified it with the things that help you to have those micro purposes. When hard things happen or good things happen, we respond to them versus react to them. Our nervous system is making us proud of how we do life, and I think for a lot of us who've had effed up experiences, it often is in the moment when we go, oh my goodness, if I had just had a breath, if I just thought things through, if I, this makes me a little emotional, Kristina, if I adjust.

[00:41:49] Remembered, I love this person. Before I said what I said, I have to remember that I love this person. Oh, good, remember? Okay, good. Let [00:42:00] me come from that place. That's discipline. And really with the no Days Off, I wanted to really help people to cultivate maybe a more loving relationship with discipline. So they saw it as a way of being a student.

[00:42:16] When they feel the best about themselves and then curating a life where that discipline can come to life and really be a part of their life in a way that.

[00:42:25] they love.

[00:42:26] Kristina: So beautiful. Love that. Thank you.

[00:42:29] James: You're welcome. It's, it's a big one, right? I mean, Kristina life right now is asking a lot of us. It's asking a lot of us and the capacity to be proud of the way we're showing up for all of it. That's a lot. So I think part of getting disciplined is getting clear about, I love to say I wanna major in the majors.

[00:42:51] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:42:52] James: I don't wanna major in the minors. I wanna major in the things that really, really matter and discipline my life. So I'm there for those things and hopefully respond with a level of love and, and real true purpose. So I'm proud of the way those things go down.

[00:43:08] Kristina: yeah, yeah. I couldn't agree more. Oh, this has been so good. I, I love for anyone who's listening now and they're a bit uns, you know, a bit stuck a little bit, you know, in this kind of. Chaotic world right now, like, you know, watching the news and just feeling their nervous system is on steroids. What tips to get to start implementing this?

[00:43:33] Obviously we're gonna link to, uh, no Days Off, and I loved, I loved it. And you know what I loved? The most, um, is that I, I listened to it in the morning, so it was like such a, oh, I just loved it so much. And, uh, you know, I'm a journalist, so I took so many notes and, uh, just absolutely loved it. So highly, highly, highly recommended for everyone.

[00:43:54] But to get everyone excited before they get through the program is where can they [00:44:00] start with no days off?

[00:44:02] James: I speak a lot about the power of vulnerability in no days off?

[00:44:07] which is this. It's a word that's used a lot these days and all this sort of personal development and self-help and spiritual circles. We talk about the power of that, but we can easily just kind of see it as this thing that we do when we're being honest with somebody else.

[00:44:22] I'm gonna be vulnerable with you. Hope you're gonna stay, you know, stay with me, stay present. Before that. It's being vulnerable to ourselves,

[00:44:30] asking those questions, the hard questions. How much love am I feeling about myself? How much compassion do I have for my present state of being? When you're in that place, you're saying, gosh, I wanna do something like no days off because I want to rebuild how I feel about my life.

[00:44:47] It starts with the hard questions and the, and the loving questions. So I think the first thing I would do is really have a vulnerability session with yourself. Jot down what's working, and also where you see room for more love to come in, more light to come in, more honesty to come in, more courage to come in.

[00:45:04] So I love the vulnerability opportunity that you have with yourself, with your heart, with your soul. The second thing I would really look at and really encouraging people to do bookend your day in the morning, you have your early morning ritual, whatever it might be. You have a beautiful one, Kristina.

[00:45:17] Have that five minutes of silence. Wait for your child to come down, talk about something that's really interesting, but have that morning ritual and make it sacred.

[00:45:27] the research on a morning ritual that becomes sacred, a non-negotiable. They talk at Columbia about this upward spiral, which basically means when you follow through on a morning ritual that you deem beautiful, yet a little bit hard, your entire neurochemistry comes to life, and that is a way in which you are shifting the trajectory of the day at a predictable way.

[00:45:54] And I think the third thing that I would highly, highly encourage is [00:46:00] looking at the end of your day and setting a time when you go from the human doing to the human being.

[00:46:05] A lot of your community, and Kristina, you and I have known each other for a decade. We, we have spent a lot, is it really, is it, what is it now?

[00:46:15] Is it 12 years? 14 years?

[00:46:18] Kristina: Uh, well, I think it was when, yeah, probably 15.

[00:46:23] James: So 11 years now. So I Love that. And, and you and I met around a bunch of people who were very high achieving, high performing, triple type A people, and everyone was talking about, you know, how many hours they worked and how little they slept. Well, that's not something that you and I are big fans of. In fact, you and I don't subscribe to that. school at all.

[00:46:45] So I would really encourage people as one of your self-love practices, pick a time late in the afternoon that you are done doing and you move into being.

[00:46:57] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:46:57] James: in that being you take a few moments and this practice will change your life. Self recognition. Take a few minutes and recognize what you did that day.

[00:47:08] The hard thing that you did, the beautiful thing that you did, the loving thing that you go, oh my gosh, that was really me being really vulnerable and really loving. Write it down. When we do that, science tells, and more importantly, spirits tells us. Spirit will tell you. Your self-esteem, your self-confidence, your self-awareness, your ability to ideate and create and produce something that's beautiful and purposeful will literally be exponentially increased and improved.

[00:47:37] By simply recognizing what you just did,

[00:47:41] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:47:42] James: what you just did. Let that be the beginning of your being went from doing into being. I recognized myself. My entire chemistry came to life, and then I moved into the part of my day that is about reflection and recovery and rest and love and celebration of [00:48:00] life.

[00:48:00] Kristina: Mm. I love that. I love that. That's one thing that I'm definitely gonna gonna get better at is the, um, being at night because I, um. I love doing. So it's, um, I think it's a challenge for a lot of us, especially in today's world where, you know, we, we are connected all the time.

[00:48:19] So I, um, I absolutely love that. So thank you so much For sharing. So, just a couple more questions. You work with a lot of high performers, leaders, you know, from all walks of life. What do you think is one thing if there is such a thing that really helps people to live the philosophy of no Days Off

[00:48:43] James: Hmm, hope.

[00:48:46] Kristina: Hope. I love that.

[00:48:48] James: Hope, oh my gosh, I've seen it over and over again. like you. I've worked with billionaires, I've worked with elite athletes. I've worked with the most amazing mom and dads. I've worked with child. Entrepreneurs. They all have hope and, and hope is a science. It's not a, it's not a fantasy.

[00:49:07] It's, um, it's having a vision and then the belief that I have a pathway to go and follow, to bring my hope to life. Hope is a strategy and I feel like the most wildly. Cool. High achieving beautiful human beings. They lead from hope and the science of hope. When it comes to culture and your companies and your family, the number one galvanizing, energetic of bringing a company or a culture or a family with you is to see.

[00:49:38] They wanna see you hopeful. When you are hopeful, there's an emotional contagion. We wanna follow hope, and I think that's really what's going on in the world right now. A lot of leaders are not holding hope, which is why we're all feeling a lot of hopelessness. So it comes back to us. Are we [00:50:00] gonna lead?

[00:50:00] Are we gonna be hopeful? Start with your family. Start with yourself. Have a vision. Believe you have a plan for it, and be wildly open about it.

[00:50:12] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:50:13] I love that. And you, I often say that like hope is the last thing we give up, you know? Like that could be. You know, disasters and they, they're just, you know, there's just endless of, negativity or things that we can focus on. But, and I think, you know, having put together the Fuckup nights, it just like, you know, the whole way through, there was always hope and there was always knowing that, you know, fuckups do not define us.

[00:50:37] It's, um, You know, talking about failure and fuck ups, whatever you wanna call them, it's um, I think there's no such a thing unless you completely give up. And if you have hope, you'll never give up.

[00:50:51] James: Kristina, that is it. Everyone that's gonna be at this event is coming there because they're wondering, did that F up? Define me? Oh my gosh. We're gonna see people like you wildly successful, who's had amazing challenges in your life. I know some of them, I don't know all of them, but look at you today.

[00:51:12] Continuing to be courageous, continuing coming from your heart, still being an entrepreneur, building community all over the world. Look at you, honey. I mean that you are whole personified and that's, we need to be around that. We need to see it. We need to fall in love with that.

[00:51:28] Kristina: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I, yeah, it's such a shame because, um, because I think I kind of sometimes got criticized for being too positive when I lost my business, but I was like, no, but I'm still here.

[00:51:41] And you know, I have a, my girlfriend's photo in front of me here, Jill, she, she passed away a few years ago, and I also have another friend who passed away a few years ago. And I look at them every day thinking they will do anything just to have my. All my challenges, all my fuck ups, because [00:52:00] just to be here and so I think, you know, like of course there's, awfulness when it comes to losing a business and losing money and losing shareholders money, all that a a hundred percent.

[00:52:10] And you know, I went through all that, but. Super grateful to have a second chance. And, um, there's only one person who can make that happen, and that is ourselves. And I think what if we shift that instead of, because in in today's world, it's easy to blame the, um, what's happening in the world and, and.

[00:52:31] I completely understand that because it's just so crazy. But if we can't change that, what can we do ourselves? I think that's a really good question to ask ourselves.

[00:52:42] James: I think though, and I think the world that we're living in right now, Kristina, if you wanna be a badass, you want to be a person of relevance. You wanna be a person that wakes up the world from the self-imposed slumber party of shame and not enoughness. Broadcast hope. Real, authentic, beautiful, grounded.

[00:53:06] Hope.

[00:53:07] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:53:07] James: Getting up in the morning is hopeful.

[00:53:10] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:53:10] James: Getting up in the morning and putting your hand on your heart versus grabbing your phone is hopeful. Getting up and thinking about who's down the hall, your son, your daughter, who's across the bed from you, your partner, your mate, your cat, your dog, whoever it is. Lean into that. Herein lies your hope, and that'll create a chemistry. So when you walk out your front door, you're carrying hope. When you walk into a meeting, you're carrying hope. When you walk into any place in the world, every door you open, you cross the threshold. You are hope filled, and then you are be.

[00:53:46] You are medicine in the world. You are healing the world. Herein lies your purpose. If you have nothing else, let hope be your purpose and cultivate it and circulate it with abandon. [00:54:00]

[00:54:01] Kristina: Gosh, what a beautiful way to end this incredible conversation. I love it. I love it. You we can of course, you know, talk forever about no days off and, um, as I said to everyone. Get into it, live it, breathe it, learn from it, fall down, and then go back on. but you having a birthday and obviously a big one, considering your dad's age, what you know, what's, what's your hope and excitement for, you know, your next stage of life?

[00:54:33] James: Oh, that's a good one, Kristina. Being okay with not getting it all done.

[00:54:38] Being okay.

[00:54:40] Because I have had the blessing of being around a lot of really good deaths, and I mean that with all of my heart. As a hospice doctor, as a death doula, I've had the front row to good death and what they did, every single time they taught me about, I really learned what I had to let go of and really, really hold on to.

[00:55:04] Kristina: Hmm.

[00:55:04] James: And then I did it early enough, so I didn't do it too late.

[00:55:08] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:55:08] James: There it is.

[00:55:11] Kristina: Amazing. Amazing. Well, I am incredibly excited about your next chapter because I have seen you in action for so long and what you give out to the world is just so amazing. And every time I see your face, every time we have a conversation, every time I listen to you on no days off, I'm just so grateful that we crossed paths.

[00:55:34] Super grateful to Rebecca who, uh, introduced

[00:55:38] James: Oh my gosh.

[00:55:39] Kristina: she isn't you

[00:55:40] James: Rebecca? Oh my. She is my sister of choice. I love her. I love her. I love Yani, her whole family. And, um, and no days off. Wherever you find your audio books, wherever you find the opportunity to listen to really cool things, they have a whole library of cool things. And I just.

[00:55:55] wanna leave with that is that, um, there are a lot of good people doing really cool things in the [00:56:00] world.

[00:56:01] We have a responsibility to choose the media. That makes us feel hopeful. Impossible. We have everything to say about the algorithm that we build inside of our heart and defend it.

[00:56:17] Defend the algorithm that's in your heart because you have everything to say about what it looks like, what it sounds like, and how it makes you feel.

[00:56:25] Kristina: Hmm. Wow. Thank you so much. That was such a incredible chat. I, uh, I'm so grateful

[00:56:33] James: Kristina, thank you I, I love you. I appreciate you more than words know, and I feel like the universe, when it gave me the opportunity to meet you 11 years ago. I know the universe and she is a she, by the way. She was in a very good mood when that happened, and here we are 11 years later, still loving on each other, supporting one another.

[00:56:52] Thank you for the gift that you are to everyone who's ever had the blessing of meeting you and getting a chance to love you like

[00:56:58] Kristina: Hmm.

[00:56:59] James: Thank you.

[00:57:00] Kristina: Thank you. That's so kind. Thank you.

[00:57:03] Wow. I am so inspired. Oh my gosh. I could have spoken to Dr. James for hours and after we finished recording, we spoke for another length of time. He's just so amazing. It was such a powerful reminder that live we want isn't built overnight. It's built through small daily choices, through the way we show up for ourselves, our wellbeing, and the people around us. If today's conversation resonated with you, take a moment to ask yourself. What is one small step I can take today toward the life I want to create? Because as Dr. James reminded us today, when we show up with intention each day, those small steps can lead to extraordinary change.

[00:57:54] I will link to his audiobook that he's done with Bolinda in the show notes and [00:58:00] you will find it wherever you listen to audiobooks as well. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoy this episode, please share it with someone who might need this message as well. Today, I will link to it all. In the show notes and until next time, which is Monday, keep dreaming, keep growing, and keep taking those small step toward your dream life, whatever that is for you.

 

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