carol dweck dream life dream life podcast growth mindset Kristina Karlsson mindset neuroplasticity personal growth podcast siimon reynolds solo episode yearly reset

#502 - Your Mindset Needs a Yearly Upgrade


Hi there!

When did you last give your mindset an upgrade?

We service the car every year and our phones update almost every month. But the way we think? Most of us set that a long time ago, and we've been running on the same settings ever since.

In this episode, I share why your mindset is something you grow on purpose, every single year. I talk about the science that inspires me, from Carol Dweck's research on the power of "yet" to what happens in our brains when we learn something new. I also share my quarterly coffee ritual with Siimon Reynolds, the person who always makes me think bigger, and four simple ways you can start growing your mindset this week.

Who makes you think bigger?

As always, I'd LOVE to hear what resonated most with you - so please share and let's keep the conversation going in the Dream Life Podcast Facebook Group here.

Have a wonderful week ...and remember, it all starts with a dream.

Enjoy!

PS: If you would like support growing your mindset alongside a group of inspiring women, explore Dream Life Coaching. November is Mindset month, with Siimon Reynolds as our guest speaker: https://www.yourdreamlifestartshere.com/course

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TRANSCRIPT:

[TRANSCRIPT: below is the approved script. Swap in Bamby's transcript after recording.]

Hi there, and welcome back to Your Dream Life podcast. I'm Kristina Karlsson, and I'm so, so happy you're here with me today.

I want to start with a question. It's a really simple one, but stay with me.

When did you last give your mindset an upgrade?

Think about it for a moment. We take the car in for a service every year. Your phone updates itself almost every month, sometimes when you didn't even ask it to. We get our hair cut, we clean out the wardrobe, we book the dentist. We look after so many things in our lives on a regular rhythm.

But the way we think? The beliefs we carry about what we can and can't do? Most of us set those a long time ago. And we've kinda been running on the same settings ever since.

So today I want to talk about growth mindset. What it is, what the science says, and why I believe it's something we need to work on every single year. And I'll share a little ritual of mine, with someone who helps me think bigger.

Grab a pen if you can. There will be a few questions at the end that I would love for you to write down. And if you're out walking or driving, just listen, and come back to them later.

So here is the idea at the centre of everything I wanna say today.

Your mindset is something you grow on purpose, every single year.

I'm gonna say it again, because it really, really matters. Your mindset is something you grow on purpose, every single year.

So many of us think of mindset as something we either have or we don't. You're a positive person, or you're not. You're good with money, or you're not. You're creative, or you're "just not that kind of person".

Maybe you've caught yourself saying it. "Oh, I could never do that." "I'm too old to start something new." "That's just not me."

I think we all carry a few of those little sentences. And we say them so often that they start to feel like facts.

And when you stop and ask yourself why, the answer is very often a belief you picked up years ago. Maybe from a teacher. Maybe from a parent. Maybe from one hard experience that you decided said something about who you are.

Every year, my dream is to become the next best version of myself. The next best version. One step on from last year. That's it.

And I've learned that this kind of growth doesn't happen by accident. Our thinking grows when we feed it, when we stretch it, and when we put ourselves around the right people. And when we stop doing those things, it slowly slides back to the old settings.

The beautiful news is that there's a lot of science behind this. So let me share three findings that I find so, so inspiring.

Number one. The power of "yet".

Professor Carol Dweck at Stanford University has spent decades researching how people think about their own abilities. She describes two mindsets. With a fixed mindset, we believe our talents and our intelligence are set. We have what we have. With a growth mindset, we believe our abilities can grow, through effort, through trying new strategies, and through help from other people.

And one of my favourite stories she shares is about a high school in Chicago. When students hadn't passed a course yet, they were given a grade called "Not Yet".

I love that so much. Think about how different that feels. "I can't do this" closes a door. "I can't do this yet" leaves the door open. One tiny word. And it changes the whole story you tell yourself about what's possible.

And there's something else from Carol Dweck's work that I think is really, really important. She says none of us has a growth mindset all the time. We're all a mixture. You might have a beautiful growth mindset at work, and a very fixed one about your body, or your money, or your creativity. And certain moments can trigger the fixed voice in all of us. A setback. Criticism. Seeing someone else do the thing we dream of doing.

I find that so comforting. Because it means every one of us can learn to notice which voice is talking, and choose again.

She's also done research on praise. In one of her well-known studies with children, kids who were praised for being smart were more likely to choose easy tasks afterwards, so they could keep looking smart. Kids who were praised for their effort were more likely to choose the harder challenge. And I think we do exactly the same thing to ourselves as adults. If we only value being good at something, we stay where it's safe. If we value the effort and the learning, we're willing to stretch.

Number two. Your brain changes when you use it, and it changes back when you stop.

Researchers in Germany took a group of young adults who had never juggled before, and they taught them to juggle three balls. They scanned their brains before and after. Once they had learned, the scans showed growth in the parts of the brain that help us follow movement. Their brains had literally changed shape, from learning something new.

But here's the part I find so interesting. After that, the jugglers stopped practising. Three months later they were scanned again, and some of that growth had faded.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Our brains grow when we stretch them, and they slowly let go of what we stop using. And this is exactly why I believe mindset is a yearly practice. What you built last year needs looking after this year too.

Number three. What you believe about what you do changes what it does for you.

This is one of my favourite studies. Researchers at Harvard worked with more than 80 hotel housekeepers across seven hotels. Their days were full of physical work, but most of them didn't see themselves as people who exercise. So the researchers told half of them that the work they were already doing every day, the lifting, the bending, the vacuuming, the making of beds, counted as real exercise. It met the recommended guidelines for being active.

Four weeks later, nothing about their jobs had changed. They weren't doing more. But the group who now saw their work as exercise had lost a little weight, and their blood pressure had come down.

It was one small study, and scientists still discuss exactly why it happened. But I love what it shows us. The way you see what you're already doing really matters.

So think about your own life for a moment. What are you already doing that you're not giving yourself credit for? Maybe you're already learning every single day, at work or as a parent, and you just haven't called it growth. Maybe you're already braver than you think. Sometimes the first step in growing your mindset is simply seeing yourself more clearly, and more kindly.

So, three findings. "Yet" keeps the door open. Your brain grows when you stretch it, and needs looking after to keep that growth. And what you believe about your life shapes what your life gives back to you.

Which brings me to a little ritual of mine.

Every quarter, I meet Siimon Reynolds for a coffee. Some of you might remember Siimon from when he was a guest here on the podcast a few years ago.

And I do it for one simple reason. Siimon makes me think bigger. Every single time. I walk away from that coffee with a bigger view of what's possible, and with my mindset in the right place.

Why every quarter? Because I think we all know how it goes. We start the year with a big, beautiful vision, and then life happens. The to-do lists, the emails, the everyday. And without even noticing, we start thinking a little smaller. Playing a little safer.

That coffee is like a reset button for me. It's in my calendar. I don't leave it to chance.

Because I've learned that my mindset is so much bigger when I'm around people who think big. It's really hard to grow on your own, only with the voices in your own head. Sometimes we need someone across the table who asks the bigger question, and who reminds us what we're here to do.

And there's science for this part too. In 2019, researchers in the US published a big study with more than 12,000 high school students. The students did two short online sessions about growth mindset, less than an hour in total. The students who had been struggling lifted their grades. The change was small, but it was real. And it was strongest in schools where the students around them also valued taking on a challenge.

So the people around us matter. They matter so much.

Your mindset grows in the company you keep.

Let me say that again. Your mindset grows in the company you keep.

So here's my question for you. Who in your life makes you think bigger? Who do you walk away from feeling like more is possible? And when did you last sit down with them, on purpose?

Grab your pen, if you can, and write down three names. Three people who leave you feeling bigger, braver and more excited about your life. Anyone counts. A friend, a colleague, someone younger than you. What matters is that they see more in you than you sometimes see in yourself.

And while you're there, it's worth noticing the other side too. Are there conversations that leave you feeling smaller? The ones where every idea gets a reason why it won't work? You can love those people and still choose where you spend more of your time, and who you share your biggest dreams with first.

If no one comes to mind right now, that's okay. That's actually really useful to notice. Because it means this could be one of the most important things you do over the next twelve month.

So let's make this practical. Here are four things you can do, starting this week. Let's keep it simple.

Number one. Catch your "I can't", and add "yet".

This week, just listen for it. "I'm not good at this." "I could never do that." "I'm not a numbers person." When you hear it, in your head or out loud, add one word. Yet. "I'm not good at this yet."

It might feel a little bit silly at first. Do it anyway. Every time you add that word, you're practising a new way of thinking. And the more you practise, the more natural it becomes.

And you can take it one step further. When you hear that fixed voice, get curious instead of cross with yourself. Ask, "What would help me get better at this?" Maybe it's a book. Maybe it's asking someone who's already done it. Maybe it's just doing it badly a few more times. That's how every single skill is built.

Number two. Book your think-bigger coffee.

Think about who makes you think bigger. It might be a mentor, a friend, someone a few steps ahead of you, or someone from a completely different world to yours. Send them a message, ask them for a coffee, and put it in your calendar.

It can be as simple as, "I always leave our conversations feeling inspired. Could I take you for a coffee next month? I'd love to hear what you're working on." Most people are so flattered to be asked. And if it's someone further along than you, come with one or two good questions, and really listen.

And then, if you can, book the next one. Once a quarter is a beautiful rhythm. Four coffees a year. Simple, but not easy, because we always feel too busy. So make it a non-negotiable, the same way you would never cancel on someone you really respect.

Number three. Choose one stretch for the year ahead.

Remember the jugglers. Your brain grows when you learn something new. So pick one thing that stretches you. A course. A language. Speaking in front of a room. A new instrument. That business idea that's been sitting in your journal for years.

Small is perfect. What matters is that it's new for you. And it's okay to be a beginner. Being a beginner is where all the growing happens. When was the last time you let yourself be a beginner at something?

And here's a question I love to ask. What would you try this year if you knew it would work? Write down whatever comes up first, before your sensible voice jumps in.

Number four. Do a yearly mindset reset.

Once a year, and the end of the year is a perfect time for this, sit down with your journal and ask yourself two questions. Which belief served me this year? And which belief am I ready to let go of?

Then write one new belief you want to grow into for the year ahead. Write it as if it's already true. Something like, "I'm someone who learns fast." Or, "I'm someone who backs myself." And read it often, especially on the days when the old voice gets loud.

We clean out our wardrobe every year. Let's clean out our thinking too. Keep what helps you grow. Let go of what keeps you small.

And this leads me to something I'm really excited about.

In Dream Life Coaching, we work on one theme together each month, and November is all about mindset. It's one of my favourite months of the whole year, because mindset is the work that sits underneath every single dream.

And this November, Siimon is joining us as a guest speaker. The same person who helps me think bigger every quarter. I can't wait for our members to experience that too. It's a session not to be missed.

So if you've been listening today and thinking, "I want to do this, but I don't want to do it alone," I would love for you to join us. You'll be surrounded by like-minded people who are all working on their dreams and cheering each other on. And that's exactly the kind of environment the research says helps a growth mindset stick.

As always, there's no pressure at all from me, only an invitation. If it feels right, you'll find all the details in the show notes.

Now, before you go, I want to step back, because I don't want you to miss the heart of this.

The way you think today is the result of everything you've practised so far. Which means the way you think a year from now comes down to what you practise from here.

That is such a hopeful thing. Your mindset can keep growing, in any season of your life. It just needs a little looking after, every year.

So let's bring it all together. Add "yet". Spend time with the people who make you think bigger. Keep learning something new. And once a year, sit down with your journal and give your thinking a fresh start.

None of this needs to be perfect. Progress, not perfection. Small steps, again and again, are what change the way we think. And when the way we think changes, everything else starts to change with it.

So grab your pen, if you can. Here are three questions to journal on this week.

One. Where in my life am I saying "I can't" when the truer words are "not yet"?

Two. Which belief served me this year, and which one am I ready to let go of?

Three. Who makes me think bigger, and when will I see them next?

Take your time with these. You might find the answers surprise you. Sometimes the belief that's been holding us back the most is the one we've never even questioned, because we've carried it for so long.

And the one small step I'd love you to take this week. Send that message. Ask your think-bigger person for a coffee. One message. That's all it takes to start.

Let me leave you with the question I started with. When did you last give your mindset an upgrade? And what is one small step you could take this week to begin?

Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I'm so grateful for you. And I would love to hear what came up for you.

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